If Mondays were shoes

Does anyone actually know how to fold a fitted sheet?

Every pizza is a personal pizza

Laziness is nothing

If history repeats itself

Your entire life can be ruined by a

‘Low battery

There’s a ‘P’ in ‘receipt,

Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?

When people say ‘expect the unexpected,

Turning off the lights and running to your bed quickly

My favorite workout is a cross between a lunge and a crunch.

Ever realize that ‘desserts’

My diet plan: Make all my friends cookies

I don’t sweat

‘I could care less’

Gravity’s just a way the Earth says

I’m not ignoring you

I’m not ignoring you

If you wait long enough to make dinner