Me when someone doesn't believed me and they google it and see I'm right...

Raw agent in Bangladesh

The hoa can such my balls this dudu is going on my lawn.

Caught a cicada that was keeping me awake at night. Well guess what asshole it's baby shark on a 12 hour loop

How me and bro feel after spam calling the 3rd bro (he isn't gonna pick up)

There is 1 impos tor amon9 us

People be lying for no reason

Your oder has been shipped
Me:

When you are closing and accidentally close the music

Two type

Password living my memory soon as I create them:

Y'all stomach ever hurt so bad that you start sitting like this?

My mom telling the doctor how I feel....
Me:

I was handed this piece of cake 🍰 today

If I ever win the lottery I won't tell anyone but there will be signs

6 year old me withing for my mom to choose what I'm going to wear after taking a bath.

When you realize that humans have been learning sex position from you instead of loyalty.

Russian roulette on tinder

Me Motivating myself:

When you are comfortable in bed and it starts raining