My brain’s like a browser with 20 tabs open, and I’m still lost. :)

I wish I was as cool as my dog thinks I am.

My favorite hobby? Eating. My least favorite? Regretting it immediately after.

I told myself I’d start working out. Then Monday showed up, and I ghosted it.

Are you okay? No, but coffee and a snack would definitely help.

Losing things at work, like pens, papers, and all motivation to keep going.

I put my phone down for five minutes, now it's in the Bermuda Triangle. :)

Midnight cereal is basically breakfast for rebels. :)

You can’t spell “menu” without “me” and “u”… Guess that’s a dinner date. :)

Finding an empty chip bag is the pantry’s way of saying, “Gotcha!”

My sarcasm level? Think Jedi Master, but with more sass.

I don’t trip, I just do surprise gravity audits.

Exercise? Oh, I thought you said extra fries

Procrastination: because my couch and I have a very serious relationship

My life is just one long series of “Eh, I’ll do it tomorrow”

Woke up feeling dangerous… might actually tackle one thing on my to-do list

I’m on a seafood diet – I see food, I eat it. No regrets

Chocolate: because Mondays are too much to handle without it

Ignoring a message but still browsing memes because priorities

Adding everything to your online cart but buying nothing is my favorite form of financial control