My relationship with my bed? Solid. We’re inseparable. :)

I’m multitasking: eating and running away from my problems simultaneously.

Walking past the fridge and pretending you didn’t hear it call you? That’s real strength.

My favorite exercise? Stretching the truth to make myself sound cooler.

I can't hear you over the sound of how epic I am at ignoring my responsibilities.

Mirror selfies are just me checking if I still look fabulous. Spoiler: I do.

I almost exercised, but then I saw cake. Cake won.

My perfect day? Wake, eat, nap, repeat until further notice.

I like long, romantic walks… to the fridge

My bed and I? We’re in a committed relationship. No third party needed

Food after midnight? The forbidden snack zone, and I’m totally going in

Today’s mood: powered by coffee and sprinkled with sarcasm :)

Realizing life doesn’t have a pause button… and you just skipped all the tutorials :)

Stepping in something wet with socks on: the quickest way to question all your life choices

Singing in the shower like you’re headlining a world tour… Grammy incoming

Looking at old photos and asking yourself, “Who let me walk around with that haircut?”

Why no one can scroll past a puppy picture – it’s science!

Getting up early – sounds good in theory, but here’s why we fail.

Are passwords the new brain teasers? Here’s how to remember them all!

Wishing your laundry would fold itself? Here’s a clever hack for lazy days!