I’ve never met a problem that pizza and denial couldn’t solve

If I was meant to be productive, coffee wouldn’t need me as much as I need it

I’m not sure how to act my age. I’ve never been this fabulously confused before

Does thinking about going to the gym count as cardio?

Adulting is hard. Can I just go back to when ‘napping’ was a full-time job?

My phone is 90% screenshots and 10% “why did I even save this?”

I need a six-month vacation, twice a year, with snack breaks in between.

Socks have been disappearing since the washing machine became a portal to another dimension.

“Just five more minutes of sleep” – and that’s how the entire day vanished.

Sleeping through alarms is my body saying, “Let’s not.”

Googling symptoms is fun until the answer is: “You’re just sleepy, chill.”

Warning: I may randomly nap, mid-sentence, mid-day, mid-anything.

Today’s goal: eat more foods, dodge humans like a ninja...

Winter’s cool and all, but hibernating like a bear sounds cooler. :)

Trying to adult but accidentally turned into a human couch potato.

Whoever invented homework clearly had too much free time.

I clean, and suddenly it’s like I’ve unearthed relics from a lost civilization.

Coffee is just caffeine therapy in a cup.

My brain has two speeds: overthink everything or forget everything

Opening the fridge like snacks are about to materialize out of sheer hope