"Me: does 5 pushups Also me: 'I deserve a snack.'"

"When life gives you lemons, make margaritas."

"I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right… again."

"My bank account and I have a toxic relationship: I spend, it leaves."

"Me: I'm gonna be productive today!
Also me: spends 3 hours scrolling memes"

"That moment when your crush likes your old post… time to plan the wedding."